I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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