i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you will always have a special place in my vag
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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