Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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