how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
