he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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