he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
