I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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