I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
