you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
