Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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