Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize