It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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