Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
