I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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