who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize