I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
