I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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