There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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