also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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