end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
His hands were made for my vagina.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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