His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
