That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize