I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
