he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
