i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
