It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
