I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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