I CAN MOONWALK!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
