I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize