did you get engaged???
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
