phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
