I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
