Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
