News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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