The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
