Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
