Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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