i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
