That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I could fuck to npr.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
