just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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