Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
