Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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