I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sarcasm needs its own font
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
