Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
