I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
