That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize