Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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