I heard we made out
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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