how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
