Just cropdusted the office
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
