i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize