just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
