I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize