I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
