she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
