dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
