Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
