Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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