just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
