My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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