I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
