ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize