6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize