just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
