My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
