So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
