so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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