You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
