Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
