I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
