He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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