so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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