there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize