and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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