i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
