He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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