I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
