i used baking grease as lip gloss
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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