I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
