my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
