Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
