actually, I'm a sock model
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
