is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize