my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
