I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
