oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
