just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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