This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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