I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
