I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
