party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
