Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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