It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
