I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
