Dual....:-)
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
