Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
