You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
