Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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