I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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